Since forgiveness is key to any lasting and loving relationship, we asked couples to share some of the grudges they've gotten over, and what they've simply learned to accept in their partners. After all, some things really don't require forgiveness.
Name
What have you forgiven?
What have you accepted?
Deb, 40,
of her husband of 11 years
"Seriously, I don't think I've had to forgive my husband for anything. Nothing ever rises to that level."
"I accept that he seldom makes the bed, and when he does, it looks terrible. And that his only idea for vegetables is frozen peas and frozen corn microwaved with some butter thrown on top."
Scott, 31,
of his wife of 4 years
"I forgive that she lied to me throughout our courtship about liking cold weather. I hate the heat, always have. She used to be very agreeable about keeping the heat down in the winter and not pumping the AC in the summer. But her tune changed dramatically once we married. Still, she is my wife, and she does look cute cuddled in her blanket on the sofa. So all is forgiven."
"I accept that she will always make piles. I've discovered that every new item brought into our home has a predictable migratory pattern that usually takes one to two weeks to complete. For instance, a new book will be placed on top of the existing pile on the dining room table. After three to four days, she might place it in the pile next to her dresser, then to the pile by her bed, then, finally, to the bookshelf. Sounds harmless until you consider the cumulative effect."
Tami, 34,
of her husband
of 2 years
"Although I'm sort of kidding, I forgive my husband for having been married before."
"I accept that he is not nearly as social as I am and that he needs time to process information and form his thoughts before communicating. Most of the time, I can accept that he simply is not a chatty individual."
Nick, 69,
of his partner
of 30 years
"Nothing."
"Everything"
Lynn, 38, of her partner
of 6 months
"I forgive that my partner wishes my stomach looked like the 19-year-old model's stomach in the magazine ad. I also forgive him that he tells me he wishes my stomach looked like the 19-year-old model's stomach in the magazine ad."
"On an ongoing basis, I accept my partner's idealism, his impatience, the fact that his behind doesn't look like Lance Armstrong's behind, and that he will love me, but not with constant rapture or constant certainty. In a strange and sweet way, I can be fond of (some of) the things I don't like about him. (For instance, he might be a jerk sometimes, but he's my jerk. Is that twisted?)"
Cheryl, 33,
of her partner
of 13 years
"I've forgiven him for being so dang self-assured that I have trouble making him hear me sometimes."
"I've accepted that my spouse and I are different. He actually enjoys many of the activities I hate. I've accepted that he takes a larger role in some aspects of household responsibility (specifically, rolling on the floor with wild children) because his strengths make him a better wrestler. Instead of feeling down about all the things he does better than I do (which are many), I've accepted his strengths and realized that I possess strengths as well, like being able to calm a hysterical 6-year-old via a long-distance phone call."
—W.D.
