• Be in contact with trusted medical professionals during and after your miscarriage. You need supportive care throughout your recovery.
  • Grieve as long as you need.
  • Give the child you've lost a physical representation: a blanket, an ultrasound picture, a candle. Let it give you a focus for your loss. Give yourself a place to grieve: a rock, an altar, a tree.
  • Realize that men and women grieve differently. A man will not have had the same experience of pregnancy as a woman and isn't likely to experience a miscarriage in nearly the same way.
  • Know that you aren't a bad mother or a bad person because you lost your child. You are a mother whose child died. It is common to look for blame, and common to believe that something you did caused the miscarriage. Miscarriages happen for many reasons, most of them beyond the mother's control.
  • Many women struggle with feelings of inadequacy or incompetence following a miscarriage, but remember this: You aren't less of a woman because you miscarried.
  • Talk to others who understand. If you can't share your experience or feelings with friends or family, talk with your doctor or midwife or join a support group.
  • Ask for help if you need it. Seek counseling if your grief seems intractable or deepens.
  • Love yourself. Come to a place where you can be happy regardless of whether or not you are pregnant.
  • Know yourself. Most midwives and doctors recommend that women wait at least two menstrual cycles before getting pregnant again, but you may want or need a much longer time. Only you can decide when or if you are ready to try again.

—K.L.